I can't really remember everything that was going on during this time, but I knew I did find it stressful, and I feel that this was definitely apparent in my journal. Overall, I was really expressive in this journal, which I do feel is a good thing, as it helps others know how I was feeling as well as myself. Before the Foundation Degree I was used to writing about my experiences and reflecting on them on my previous BTEC course, so I feel that I didn't find the reflective learning journal too much of a challenge. In fact, during this time, as I wrote before the October half term in this journal, I was considering going into creative writing as a possible career choice! This was also made apparent by how stressful I was finding the course at this time, despite initially feeling quite optimistic about the course when it started.
It was also good to look back on my previous work, and to realise my improvement of my work during the Foundation Degree. However, I do feel that looking at my work in this journal, the end results were probably a lot better than I thought it was at the time. I do feel that it was made apparent that I didn't have that much confidence, which I feel is a great shame, because I feel I would have enjoyed the first few months of the Foundation Degree much more if I was more confident. I remember I was often comparing myself with the other students on the Foundation Degree, who all seemed to grasp what to do much easier than I did, especially in September when we were working on several small projects in one day, which I found intimidating. The work was also much more fast paced than I was used to, which I also found difficult to get used to. Also, I feel that some of the students on the Foundation Degree were quite difficult for me to get on with, but looking back it wasn't anything to do with me, it was just what they were like. In some projects I had to work with them or show them my work, and I feel that all of these things did affect my confidence, and I do wish that I had more confidence to find other people I knew to spend time with around Stafford College, even though some of them did say I could spend time with them during breaks at college. I do feel I should have definitely done this, as this would have made me much happier at college.
I also feel that the course itself was a lot to get used to, and was a much higher level of work than I was really expecting! I was especially nervous about the student debates, where we had to argue about relevant subjects to our course, and being made to do this, especially when the opinions I needed to discuss didn't reflect how I really felt, did make me feel uncomfortable and I remember not speaking very clearly and confidently either. This was especially difficult when some of the stronger characters on the course would point out the timid way I talked, which was quite difficult to take, but I don't think any of them understood how I was feeling about the new course, and all the changes that had happened since my BTEC, and this was especially hard with having Autism as well.
I also feel that the course itself was a lot to get used to, and was a much higher level of work than I was really expecting! I was especially nervous about the student debates, where we had to argue about relevant subjects to our course, and being made to do this, especially when the opinions I needed to discuss didn't reflect how I really felt, did make me feel uncomfortable and I remember not speaking very clearly and confidently either. This was especially difficult when some of the stronger characters on the course would point out the timid way I talked, which was quite difficult to take, but I don't think any of them understood how I was feeling about the new course, and all the changes that had happened since my BTEC, and this was especially hard with having Autism as well.
